I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?