dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
im drinking this country out of the recession.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
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I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me