A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch