yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.