I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
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Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
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When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night