Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
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Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
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Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!