I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?