weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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