watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
