I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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