Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
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He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
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he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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