I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
then he tried to convert me to islam
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
