Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize