i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
