I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
