allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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