the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize