Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize