i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
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So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
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He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life