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if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Randomize
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