You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
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Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
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All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.