She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?