Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i would punch a child for taco bell
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together