The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout