my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
21 Guys Share Their Insane Stripper Stories
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
27 Reasons Why Men Need To Moan More During Sex
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.