My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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