So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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