Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
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It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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