Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
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She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
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he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.