Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
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He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
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Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.