Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
19 Of The Most Epic “I Quit’ Stories Ever
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here