I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in