i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.