I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
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He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
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She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE