He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!