She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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