Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
