Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
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btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
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He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4