Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat