help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here