Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"