you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
