Your tits are I can't wait for
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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