My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
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