Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
