i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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