omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
