you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
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i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
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I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor