i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?