They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.