I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
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Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...