Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
