I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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