You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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