Where did you get a picture of my penis
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
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