Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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