can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
