i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
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