Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
