apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
