I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
