On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
