proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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