yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i dont even know how to be here
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
