i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
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It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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