So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
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ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
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Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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