I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
"it" just moved
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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