i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
