we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me I should be a condom model.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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