Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Text me some of your sweat
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
