On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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