I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Randomize
