I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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