I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
